Posted 11 months ago

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I was going to add the picture of this Double Delight Strap-On, but I figured you can just use your imagination as it might be way NSFW. I was unaware of all the different double ended dildos there were out there as my only “real” experience ever seeing one is the ending scene of Requiem for a Dream with Jennifer Connelly. 

Anyway, with both of these reviews, I had to read them over twice. Okay, like five times. I wouldn’t consider myself “naive,” but it took me a minute to realize that both of the people writing the reviews are men. “My wife and I rung in the new year with her lesbian girlfriend and a couple new to swinging.” How progressive! Doesn’t this guy worry about a Friends type of scenario? Poor Ross left by his wife for a lesbian. Here’s how I think it went down: “My wife is the fucking COOLEST because she brings her lesbian girlfriend to bed and I get to watch!” “No shit Todd [his name is Todd in my scenario], you can have sex with BOTH of them?!” “Well no, but I can see ANYTHING I want!” End scene. I’m no Dr. Phil or whatever, but nothing good can come out of this for Todd.

In the second review, also took me a minute to realize it’s a guy. I think I do know the next word and it’s “best way to let my wife know I wish I was a woman.” Really, to each their own, but was the sex soooo great that you forgot about punctuation? If it was, maybe I’m missing out. So like “he” says, “so men, if your iffy about anal this will make you happy.” I bet that’s enough to get any guy wanting to try it in the ass with their wife!

Posted 11 months ago

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I guess we are lucky that this guy posted anonymously to avoid avoid another crime scene.  I do agree on one point this guy makes, “for Dummies” is useful for many things, but Forensics is not one of them.  The real kicker comes immmediately following that statement when he says “when I reached the end of this one…”  What the fuck man? You actually read through it like some crime novel?  These books, if you stupid enough to use them anyway, are for reference and even that is a stretch. Now, this guy is so retarded he couldn’t help himself.  He had to go and say it.  ”Being a current student of forensic science myself…will help with my future plans in this field.”  Jesus H. Christ!  As a student of such a particular science, you think this is going to provide some kind of foundation for your knowledge?  Give me what this guy is smoking because I’m in need of an alternate reality.

I guess we are lucky that this guy posted anonymously to avoid avoid another crime scene.  I do agree on one point this guy makes, “for Dummies” is useful for many things, but Forensics is not one of them.  The real kicker comes immmediately following that statement when he says “when I reached the end of this one…”  What the fuck man? You actually read through it like some crime novel?  These books, if you stupid enough to use them anyway, are for reference and even that is a stretch. Now, this guy is so retarded he couldn’t help himself.  He had to go and say it.  ”Being a current student of forensic science myself…will help with my future plans in this field.”  Jesus H. Christ!  As a student of such a particular science, you think this is going to provide some kind of foundation for your knowledge?  Give me what this guy is smoking because I’m in need of an alternate reality.

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Posted 11 months ago

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I am so glad that JW took the time to write this review saves me so much time and money on shitty pigs feet. I mean, let’s be honest. You come home from working another long shitty day at the Wal-Mart customer service line, and you just want to dive in to that succulent tasty foot. Not just any foot mind you, but one thats been stepping in poop and piss. But that’s where the flavor comes from right!? Trying to rationalize a purchase for a jar of pig’s feet is hard enough, but to expect me to believe that people eat these things, and not only eat them, but expect them to be savory in some way, is absolutely, positively insane. This is one item that I wouldn’t mind getting lost in the mail, but it is probably the one package on Earth that was apparently delivered in a timely fashion. Quick to deliver, and quick to throw out.  This person actually wrote a complaint to the company about these.  I can only imagine the person who opens that email/telegram.  ”It’s a jar of Pig Feet you fucking moron,” they will scream as they roll on the floor laughing and crying all at the same time.  Their final thoughts should have been modified as such: “I was hoping for them to be firm and juicier, but not hard and tasteless like myself. I will also never buy stupid shit like this again and I now realize that a turd in a jar would sell better.  Mom, please forgive me for being so critical of an item that has no right of being in existence in the first place.”

I am so glad that JW took the time to write this review saves me so much time and money on shitty pigs feet. I mean, let’s be honest. You come home from working another long shitty day at the Wal-Mart customer service line, and you just want to dive in to that succulent tasty foot. Not just any foot mind you, but one thats been stepping in poop and piss. But that’s where the flavor comes from right!?

Trying to rationalize a purchase for a jar of pig’s feet is hard enough, but to expect me to believe that people eat these things, and not only eat them, but expect them to be savory in some way, is absolutely, positively insane. This is one item that I wouldn’t mind getting lost in the mail, but it is probably the one package on Earth that was apparently delivered in a timely fashion. Quick to deliver, and quick to throw out.  This person actually wrote a complaint to the company about these.  I can only imagine the person who opens that email/telegram.  ”It’s a jar of Pig Feet you fucking moron,” they will scream as they roll on the floor laughing and crying all at the same time.  Their final thoughts should have been modified as such:

“I was hoping for them to be firm and juicier, but not hard and tasteless like myself. I will also never buy stupid shit like this again and I now realize that a turd in a jar would sell better.  Mom, please forgive me for being so critical of an item that has no right of being in existence in the first place.”

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Posted 11 months ago
via kellyoxford

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Posted 12 months ago

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Full Written Review Here

This is a Rage Review first, a video review.  I can see now why you can hit gold much quicker on a video review rather than a written review.  This dipshit decided to film 90 seconds of his crotch as a “formal” reviews.

This seemed like an amazing place to stumble upon and boy was I right.  From the first word that this man uttered, I was fucking pumped.  What a classic douche bag this guy is.  Thanks for you little anecdote on your gym work out and the egg white omelets you plan on making yourself.  Review the product, no one gives a fuck how much of a meat head you are.  

Why are you at all surprised at the nutritional value, or lack there of, of food from McDonald’s?  This just boggles my mind to nooooooo end.  You feel like a fat ass after one bit? You fucking drama queen.  Oh, but it tastes good.  Well, thanks be to God.  We wouldn’t want to have to send you to bed without dessert. Homo.

Your whole review is about as heinous as your shaved legs tucked into those Nike Shocks.  Next time, take that few extra dollars that you spent on the snack wrap and donate to the Ronald McDonald children, to people who have real problems. 

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Posted 12 months ago

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I’m sorry to report that this is the only asshole on the interwebs that is surprised that David Hassellhoff’s CD sucked.  I’m not sure there is one song that even his biggest fan can recall the name of, but somehow he is able to put out a “Best of” CD.  It would haven’t surprised me to see 10 different remixes of his “best song” on this album alone.”  And no, nobody bought this fucking CD which is why it’s priced at just over $10, it can’t even be sold at bargain prices.  

I’m sorry to report that this is the only asshole on the interwebs that is surprised that David Hassellhoff’s CD sucked.  I’m not sure there is one song that even his biggest fan can recall the name of, but somehow he is able to put out a “Best of” CD.  It would haven’t surprised me to see 10 different remixes of his “best song” on this album alone.”  And no, nobody bought this fucking CD which is why it’s priced at just over $10, it can’t even be sold at bargain prices.  

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Posted 12 months ago

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DON’T BUY A FLESHLIGHT!!….PAY FOR BRAIN SURGERY. This is easily the most well put together review I have ever seen.  No only does this guy go on to say how despicable the original fleshlight is, but he continues to put links to all the superior models.  As we all know, reviews are based on real life experiences with a product, so it will comes as no suprise that this guy made sure he tested all models before he writing his very own review.  This guy is so hard up for a pussy that he broke it down for us as well.  You like more realistic? Or do you like more stimulating?   “Not many men can last more than 5 minutes - when they try the Super Ribbed.”  What kind of statistic is this and who they hell was he testing?  I’m going to need facts and figures for this man.  Just because this guy can make it last longer than 5 minutes with a plastic pussy that glows doesn’t mean he should generalize then tire species of man. What more does this guy think he can tell us? A demo video? Who the fuck provides a demo video for a plastic pussy?  Stick your dick in and pull it out, repeat rapidly until you are ready to drop your goo.  End of story.

DON’T BUY A FLESHLIGHT!!….PAY FOR BRAIN SURGERY.

This is easily the most well put together review I have ever seen.  No only does this guy go on to say how despicable the original fleshlight is, but he continues to put links to all the superior models.  As we all know, reviews are based on real life experiences with a product, so it will comes as no suprise that this guy made sure he tested all models before he writing his very own review.  This guy is so hard up for a pussy that he broke it down for us as well.  You like more realistic? Or do you like more stimulating?  

“Not many men can last more than 5 minutes - when they try the Super Ribbed.”  What kind of statistic is this and who they hell was he testing?  I’m going to need facts and figures for this man.  Just because this guy can make it last longer than 5 minutes with a plastic pussy that glows doesn’t mean he should generalize then tire species of man.

What more does this guy think he can tell us? A demo video? Who the fuck provides a demo video for a plastic pussy?  Stick your dick in and pull it out, repeat rapidly until you are ready to drop your goo.  End of story.

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Posted 1 year ago

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I couldn’t believe all of the negative stigmatism associated with this great piece of American Literature. I’d say how this book taught me how to go poopy on the potty, but if it’s one thing that everyone knows is that girls just do not poop. But I digress.

“A Customer.” Really? Your child was confused? I think maybe you are the one that is confused. Did you even “read” the book to your child or did you just point to the pictures and say “poop?” It’s pretty straight forward. You eat and it comes out your butt. If you eat through your butt, it comes out your mouth. HOW COULD IT BE MISLEADING?! 

Also, I think your child was meant for Twitter, so assuming that this was written when he was around 2, I’d say get the kid some sort of smart phone (he can probably teach you how to use it) and have the kid tweeting. “The other day he saw a squuirrel with an acorn and he asked me if the acorn was tree poop.” GENIUS!! Acorns are the poop of the tree which squirrels eat for sustenance. Brilliant. As for you, I’d recommend something like “Don’t Turn Your Child Into A Dummy for Dummies.” Just a thought. 

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Posted 1 year ago

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Obama Promised This Would Not Happen

I decided to try to find the stupidest invention I could find on Amazon and this stood out from the rest. This one invention actually restored my faith in my fellow man since this afternoon it disappeared when I was stuck at a 3 way stop for about 45 minutes because no one knew what to fucking do, but I digress. The reason why this specific invention helped is that 99% of the people that reviewed it thought exactly the same thing I did. First, the product.

Yup. It’s real. It’s a desk for your steering wheel AND it’s in stock!!! Now, if you are like me, the first thing you think is “OMG! FINALLY! Now I can blow lines AND make a killer PB&J sandwich on my ride to the welfare office!!” Well luckily for you and I, the majority of people also felt this way. I found some of the best reviews to post because they are brilliantly sarcastic and funny.

HAHA AMIRITE?! To read the rest of the hilarious reviews, go here. Now of course there has to be the proverbial “wet blanket” amongst all these reviews to which I say “seriously?” I mean come on, it’s all in good fun. No one is REALLY going to give one of these as a Valentine’s Day present to their wife so she can start cooking dinner on her way home or use it to prop up their 52” flat screen because that’s just not physically possible. Read.


Really Daryl? You were always picked last in kickball I bet and forced to be partners with like the teacher or something. Don’t try to relate to us by being guilty of reading and driving. NO ONE READS THE NEWSPAPER ANYMORE DARYL! Amazon should strongly consider getting your ass a sippy cup or some shit because you’re a fucking baby. “Lawsuit in the making” then trying to be funny by saying the “desk made you do it.” STFU. No one likes you. 

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Posted 1 year ago

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NOT SO SUPER Mickey, Mickey, Mickey.  You seem to be about as lost as your son on this one.  It would appear that you hate your son just enough to put off buying him a costume until the very last second and when you found out something was amiss the only justice you sought was that of the anonymity of the internet and to berate a product that was meant to be crap to begin with.  No child is sooooooo into an object that they hire someone to hold a gun to your head and make you buy a costume.  You’re the adult, tell the little shit to shut the fuck up, be creative, and make is own god damn costume.  All you’ve done in this review is illustrate your incompetence as a parent and your child’s ability to manipulate you.   Oh and your child is 4 years old, I’d expect him to get just about anything in a short amount of time.  An attention is non-existent in a 4 year old, so I’m still not sure what your grip is.  

NOT SO SUPER

Mickey, Mickey, Mickey.  You seem to be about as lost as your son on this one.  It would appear that you hate your son just enough to put off buying him a costume until the very last second and when you found out something was amiss the only justice you sought was that of the anonymity of the internet and to berate a product that was meant to be crap to begin with.  No child is sooooooo into an object that they hire someone to hold a gun to your head and make you buy a costume.  You’re the adult, tell the little shit to shut the fuck up, be creative, and make is own god damn costume.  All you’ve done in this review is illustrate your incompetence as a parent and your child’s ability to manipulate you.  

Oh and your child is 4 years old, I’d expect him to get just about anything in a short amount of time.  An attention is non-existent in a 4 year old, so I’m still not sure what your grip is.  

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